The CavBlog

Friday, March 02, 2007


The British Countryside is full of quaint and charming place-names. Some however seem only to have been named to give schoolboys something to snigger at...

1. Badgers Mount - Kent
2. Bell End near Lickey End - Worcestershire
3. Boggy Bottom - Hertfordshire
4. Booby Dingle - Herefordshire
5. Bottom Burn - Fife
6. Breasty Haw - Lake District
7. Brown Willy - Cornwall
8. Bummers Hill - East Hertfordshire
9. Butt Hatch - Essex
10. Butty Moss - Cheshire

I think you can get creams for some of those!

This was taken from THE WEEKLY COWPAT a new email newsletter offering a sideways look at the British Countryside. You can subscribe to it yourself by going to if you so desire...



How not to act by Nicholas Cage

Why did you do it Nicholas Cage? Why did you get involved in the Whicker Man remake?

Why? Why? WHY?

Did you lose the ability to act as soon as the cameras began rolling? If these clips are anything to go by that's the only logical conclusion.

You have to watch these! I never thought I'd see Nicholas Cage in a bear suit slugging a woman, but now I have. Remember these were supposed to be scary, not funny!

Step away from the bike!!!



Thursday, March 01, 2007

Green Hypocrites?

I can't help agreeing with Mark Lynas in this article in The Guardian. If journalists and right-wing activists continue on this hypocrasy witch-hunt on high-profile figures willing to take an environmental stand then no-one will put their head over the parapet and make a stand.

Yes, we have to make a change. Yes, the more we do the better. But sometime activists have to be aware that campaigning has to be balanced with realism.



Wednesday, February 21, 2007

It's a fine day says Rolf Harris

Bag Pipes. Didgeridoos. Rolf Harris.

Three things you would not expect to hear on a dance track.

Until Now.

'Fine Day' will cheer you up whatever your mood and you can listening to it at my MySpace page.

While you're there you can always add yourself as one of my friends. Will you be my friend? Will you?



Monday, February 19, 2007

Changing Times

A lifetime ago when working on T3 Magazine I wrote that one of my ambitions in life was to steal some of Britney Spear's hair and clone an entire army of Britney's all wearing the red rubber costume from the 'Whoops I did it again' video. They would then wait on me hand and foot.

Now, I have the chance. All I need to do is buy some of her recently shaved locks and double-check my collection of rubbish sci-fi films to work out how to grow her in a test-tube.

However, I now find that the thought of being surrounded by 1000 Britneys is quite distressing and I'd much rather clone, say, Emma Thompson.

Is this a sign that I'm getting older?



The Joy of Roasts

On another blog I was visiting someone said a post about a roast sunday dinner was a lame topic about a post.

I can think of much worse topics.

There's just something very comforting about a sunday lunch. Something that reminds you of the past. Something that gives you a wistful thrill for a time that probably never existed and reminds you, for just an hour, that things haven't changed that much. OK, the climate is shifting. OK, the world doesn't seem so safe. But whatever happens you will always have roasties, yorkshire puddings and horseradish source.

It's time for family and friends to sit down and enjoy time together. To laugh, joke and pass the mint sauce. For once, you can forget about sitting in front of the telly with a tray on your lap and enjoy eating in other people's country. To remember the time that Grandma let off when she was tucking into the stuffing or dad was caught feeding his parsnips to the dog. It's a cosy room when the rain lashes down, the smoky, oaky smell of an old pub. It's home.

It's the one meal where you're allowed to view the world, your past, present and future with rose-tinted-glasses.

It's nostalgia on a plate.

But what is your favourite roast dinner? Is it lamb? Beef? Chicken? Take part in our poll and let us know what you'd rather have alongside your spuds and carrots...

What is your favourite type of roast dinner
Free polls from

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Monday, February 05, 2007

I Hates Macs says the Guardian's Charlie Brooker

And so in today's Guardian, Charlie Brooker has a go at Macs in his 'I Hate Macs' opinion piece.

His anger has been peaked by the Mitchell and Webb ads where he points out that Webb's Mac persona might be a bit on the smug side.

Well, Mac users can be smug obviously as our machines are safe, easy to use and just plain lovely. Obviously Mr Brooker would see my comments here as a justification of his point but I couldn't care less.

And the reason I dismiss your views Mr Brooker? Because you dare have a pop at my beloved Mac? Nope! Because you call Mac users mediocre idiots? 'Fraid not!

You see, Charlie-boy, I would have cared a lot more about your argument if you hadn't included this sentance...

"When I sit down to use a Mac, the first thing I think is, "I hate Macs", and then I think, "Why has this rubbish aspirational ornament only got one mouse button?"

Journalism at its best. Mr Brooker was obviously so wound up when he wrote this little piece that he failed to perform a one-minute research session in which he found out that the Mighty Mouse can indeed click both ways. He claims that the Mac ads slag off PC users with a series of sweeping generalisations. Shame he didn't think to get his facts right before he did the exact same thing about Mac users. Charlie obviously hates Macs, the trouble is, he hate Macs from about five years ago it seems...



Tuesday, January 09, 2007

We've adopted Jim Branning

You can adopt anything now. Monkeys, Dolphins, even Nuns. I have therefore chosen to adopt a soap character. The Cavblog is proud to have adopted Jim Branning.

We're proud that our support of Jim will help conservation work of genuinely humorous characters in Albert Square, a rare breed indeed.

And to welcome Jim, lets just have a little watch of my favourite moment from TV so far this year.


Tuesday, January 02, 2007

New Years Resolutions

OK, then. It's that first day at school feeling. I've got my brand new diary on my desk with a nice blank page and I'm desperately trying to work out what I had to do today, what I did before the Christmas break and what this work thing is anyway.

So far I haven't done very well.

Better work out some new years resolutions then that I can break in record time.

1. I will not spend any money on Ebay in the month of January.

I do not need that luminous Frankenstein back-scratcher in its original packaging. Its not essential and will only end up being too big for my letter box and then I'll have to brave Kingswood on a Saturday morning to pick it up from a particularly grotty post office depot. I hate going to Kingswood on a Saturday morning as its one of the most depressing places on the planet. It's a grimy, cheap and nasty place that brings out the snob in me, and I'm someone who usually really likes cheap and nasty places. Most days I would rather beat myself around the head with a pillowcase full of rusty shrapnel than venture into Kingswood.

2. I will not moan about going into Kingswood.
I’m sure it’s a very nice place full of lovely people.

3. While I’m at home relaxing with my family I will not check my emails roughly 7.9 times every second.
If someone has sent me something of vital importance at 9.15 in the evening it can probably wait. In fact if someone has sent me something of vital importance I will be too busy dealing with the fact that hell has frozen over and air-traffic control is having serious problems with the sheer amount of flying pigs.

4. I shall try and not eat anything from KFC for the first six months of the year.
I know I will break this one but I have to try don’t I. It’s just the guilty pleasure of biting into the slimy, rubbery flesh of a genetically mutated chicken is so good because you know its so, so bad. Plus, I like the little wet-wipes you get after you’ve finished gorging yourself with too much fried food.

5. I will stop force feeding my wife Doctor Who trivia.
She doesn’t need to know and she doesn’t deserve it. All the poor women did was marry me. She didn’t realise that would mean that she would be informed that the person who played the third Monoid from the left once appeared in an episode of Juliet Bravo.